I've been pretty open with my mom about my divorce and my love life (I sensor things out that are irrelevant to her - ha ha). She knows that I have a couple love interests, but am finding it difficult to develop feelings at this time. "Maybe you're not ready" she told me yesterday over the phone during our weekly check-in convo. "I don't think I will ever be," I said. I miss Sam, and know that there is really nothing left for me there. It's hard to accept.
But I accept it a little more each day.
I have been having anxious dreams about him lately. They are pretty horrible actually. Horrible because of how they make me feel. Disjointed, paralyzed, fearful, alone, upset, sad...
Not completely unfamiliar feelings.
I know I am capable of a lot of love. I have a capacity that grows everyday for it. I feel confident that there will be a time when I am ready to open up and share what is inside of me with one very lucky man. :)
I just have not met him yet.
No comments:
Post a Comment