Every once-in-a-while I run into someone who is not aware of my looming divorce. They will ask me where's Sam? How is he? Where's he working? How is his mom? And to this, I say, "I am sure he is doing good."
When I really have no idea. It's weird. It feels like part of me is a little lost, displaced, gone.
And I don't know where it went off to.
Same thing happens when I see people who know all about my divorce and expect me to be the same as I was back when I was Mrs...
Feel the same, act the same, care the same. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I really just can't.
Or, If I was nice to someone because I was "being nice" out of courtesy for him, am I still expected to kiss this person's ass? I think not.
I am not blatantly rude, I just can't pretend that I like someone when I really don't.
And then, there are some people I have avoided since we separated. I just can't bring myself to speak to them or see them. Not even in email. It's far too painful. I am hoping that one day in the future, they might understand why I keep away. I hope that they can see past the anger, frustration and hurt that divorce creates, and accept the icky reality that is life.
It's ugly and a damn mess.
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