I think it is normal to wonder whether I will find love again. I know that I have not actually lost love, although I do feel like it's been a little displaced. I miss old routines. I miss knowing someone is going to be at home with me. I miss sharing meals and talking about the day.
It's normal to miss those things. Geesh, you are getting a divorce.
I feel like I have shot some Novocaine into my emotional center. I deliberately avoid stuff that will trigger a break-down like the plague. Thank God I don't have a big family that constantly will ask me about my Ex, because I don't think I would be able to handle that during the holidays like Easter - coming up.
I do find myself letting go a little easier now. Although I have to choose with whom I let go with. My BFF is someone who is always available to me, and who like me, knows exactly how this feels. I find myself sharing a little to much with new "friends" - who I really like - and want around. This is good and bad. Good because it shows a part of me that is fragile, human, yet jaded and wounded? Bad for the very same reasons.
I find myself looking ahead - a year, three years, five and ten years in the future, wondering if I will be able to get over him? What kind of life will I have? Will i find love? Re-marry?
These questions run-amok in my mind so much on some days that I feel like calling the psychic friends to see if they have any insight for me.
Seriously, I feel like it would all make this transition so much better if i just knew how it all works out - what happens to the heroine of our sordid story?
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