Moving on

My divorce - final.

My heart - open.

It is funny when you can't move on to love someone new, and then after some time, you meet someone, and everything clicks. It makes sense. It feels right.

Strep throat is God's way of telling you to chill out.

I hate being sick. I do. It's no joke. I have so much pain swallowing, that I need to take Vicodin to ease the pain. Good news is, I am feeling better!

I mess up most things

Sometimes I think I know exactly what it is that I want. When I come close to it, you would think that I should hold on to it - right?

Not me. I scare it, chase it, throw it AWAY.

I'm feeling sad, but not terribly regretful. He is probably better off finding someone who suits him more - someone closer to his own age, someone who wants to be his wife.

Hell, I'm still (technically) married.

I also don't want just anyone. I want to be crazy in love with the man.

Tall order - I know.

Rihanna - Rude Boy

Damn Rihanna.
All I can say is "Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up." LOL

My Mom

I've been pretty open with my mom about my divorce and my love life (I sensor things out that are irrelevant to her - ha ha). She knows that I have a couple love interests, but am finding it difficult to develop feelings at this time. "Maybe you're not ready" she told me yesterday over the phone during our weekly check-in convo. "I don't think I will ever be," I said. I miss Sam, and know that there is really nothing left for me there. It's hard to accept.

But I accept it a little more each day.

I have been having anxious dreams about him lately. They are pretty horrible actually. Horrible because of how they make me feel. Disjointed, paralyzed, fearful, alone, upset, sad...

Not completely unfamiliar feelings.

I know I am capable of a lot of love. I have a capacity that grows everyday for it. I feel confident that there will be a time when I am ready to open up and share what is inside of me with one very lucky man. :)

I just have not met him yet.

Day Dreaming

I have very vivid day dreams. Like most people, I fantasize about exotic locations, beach-side, with a lovely, tasty beverage. Toes buried in the sand, my lover by my side, and all the time in the world, no need to have a phone, a laptop, car, GPS, because no one can find me!

Yes, I fantasize about hiding these days. Seriously. Lately, in my day-dreams, I'm in Costa Rica, Puerto Viejo, a gazillion miles from any stressor, and two steps from the big, blue ocean.

I am one stressed-out chick.

Swimming has helped me a lot. I try to go 3 - 4 times per week. I try to have a vigorous work out since I have a lot of energy to expel in order for me to be exhausted (not sure if that is the right word?). It's weird, I know, but that is when I am most peaceful - when I am all tired-out and when I am in the water.

I will be up at dawn tomorrow - to get to the pool before the lanes get packed full of swimmers. I hate waiting, reminds me of traffic, and traffic stresses me out.

Go figure.

Date Me, Date My Girlfriend?

A friend and I went to a pub to hang out and shoot pool - don't ask.

We were sitting at the bar, making small talk with the bartender and a tall, dark and handsome gentleman walked up beside me. We began talking about stuff like travel - mainly because he noticed I was drinking a Limoncello - and Italian lemon liqueur. He said that not many people who had not been to Southern Italy would know about the drink, blah, blah, blah...

So, toward the end of the night, we exchanged numbers, and me and my girlfriend went on our merry way. He called the next day, asked me to lunch the following week. I accepted!

We had a GREAT lunch. Talked about a variety of things. At the end of lunch, he seemed a little hesitant - which was very awkward because the entire conversation we had beforehand was non-stop, good interaction. He looked at me, and said that he wanted to know how I felt about dating two people at once. I said that I didn't think it was a big deal, since I am fairly open about my relationships and if I was dating two men at the same time, I was doing just that - DATING.

He hesitated again, but smiled as he said, I would like to date you. I think you and I would have great, fun times. Needless to say, I was flattered. Handsome man, asking to date me - forget that I didn't know anything about him - it was nice to know someone valued my time and sparkling personality so much!

Then, I realized, that dating him could mean a number of changes to my so-far-so-good single life. In the briefest of moments I took to begin pondering that, he then says, "of course, I would like you to meet my girlfriend." I looked at him and began to laugh, "What?" I chuckled, "Girlfriend?"

YES. GIRLFRIEND.

Apparently this guy has a girlfriend who he lives with and with whom he has a Poly relationship with - see Poly Amory. In other words, he loves more than one person at a time - see Mormon.
He wanted me to meet his girlfriend so that we could see if we hit it off. If we clicked. I asked "Why would it matter if I got along with your girlfriend?" He then began to explain that I would actually be dating the both of them.

I am sorry. I know I have not dated in a while, but is this for real?
He was completely serious.

Why can't I just meet a NORMAL guy?!?!